;)
Buzz Buzz
If only all the other “bloodsuckers” in your life were so easy to deal with.
Dear Sylvia,
I am writing to you today to apologize for my behavior during your last visit. I understand that, because we live so far away, the time you get to spend with your daughter is very precious and that, as her husband, I should do whatever is within my power to facilitate your enjoyment while youre staying under our roof. Also, I feel it necessary to tell you that I am in no way writing this message to you with Meghan looking directly over my shoulder in an attempt to get back on her good side and rejoin her in our marital bed.
In our three year relationship as “in-laws”, I fear that things have only become more and more strained. Whether this started the day you were caught maintaining an online dating profile for Meghan so that she could “keep her options open” before we were married or at the actual wedding when you ran up to the altar, swiped the unity candle, and then ran out of the church screaming “NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER” is irrelevant. After all, I have not exactly been Ghandi in this little dance of spite and abhorrence. You may recall the time I referred to you as a “reprehensible soul sponge” to someone I didn’t know at the family reunion, or when I had added cilantro to the fish tacos I made for dinner one evening knowing full well how allergic you were to it. While many would see events such as these as detrimental to a healthy family life, I like think that our mutual hatred of one another has only brought us closer, don’t you?
So when you were last here and I drunkenly chased you around the house with our Arctic Products Mosquito Shield, I was only doing it because my love for you is shown through lashing out at the dark center of your being, mother-in-law of mine. Even as I was calling out “Look, honey! Look at her run! She can’t stand to be within six feet of the Mosquito Shield’s 100% citronella power and two-speed fan! I TOLD YOU SHE WAS A BLOODSUCKING FIEND FROM THE VERY DEPTHS OF SATAN’S DEEPEST LATRINE!”, I did it only because I figured it was something you’d appreciate as maybe the most evil person on the face of the planet. Had I known you have actual feelings, I may not have gone “too far”.
And so, in closing, I would like to give you my sincerest apology. When next you visit, I shall be nothing but sunshine and rainbows, I assure you. Perhaps we can use this experience to turn over a new leaf in this forest of misery we’ve found each other in. Or maybe I’ll just get a hotel room for a few days. Whichever.
Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty
Features:
- Unique two speed fan provides a full six foot circle of protection that last for hours
- Contains no DEET or other harmful chemicals
- Each mosquito shield cartridge is designed to supply approxminately 40 hours of continuous use
- 100% citronella
- Safe to use around children and pets
- Great for camping, picnics, barbeques, fishing, decks and patios
- Compact design allows for hanging inside tents, on poles, or even from a tree
- Tough, impact and weather resistant housing
- Simple and easy to use – insert repellant cartridge, twist, and slide to activate
Other Information:
- Requires (4) D batteries (not included)
- Weight: 1 lb.
- Dimensions: 4” diameter, 8” height
Additional Photos:
In the box:
- (1) Arctic Products Mosquito Shield
- (2) Mosquito Shield Cartridges
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